It Isn’t Easy Loving Me…

It isn’t easy loving me,

I have known that for a while,

I try and stay away from it all,

If only you walked in my shoes for just a mile.

You would see that I know,

It breaks my own heart that I know yours aches,

For everything that I have done,

For the way that I am and for all of my unforgivable mistakes.

I know who I am,

I was and still am far from perfect,

I try hard everyday to be better than yesterday,

To make all your efforts worth it.

It isn’t easy loving me,

I barley love myself,

But I think the world of you,

Actually- more than the world itself.

You see, I see you try to love me,

 and I see all your efforts in disguise,

What you don’t get to see is how draining my mind is,

Feeding me negativity and lies.

Deep down, I know the truth,

You love me and I love you,

It’s hard to see sometimes,

Especially when it is harder to breakthrough.

I know you know it’s me,

I know that I know it’s me too,

Trust me- I am trying,

I am hoping one day I will pull through.

I know what it’s like dealing with me,

I deal with myself every day,

I hate living with myself,

It’s true- in every single way.

I know it isn’t easy loving me,

I have known from the start,

I seem like I have it all together,

But the next moment I fall apart.

I try and keep it together for you,

So you can rest and take it easy,

But sometimes anxiety wins and takes over,

Where I lose myself and get queasy.

There is more to me under this,

You know that for a fact,

The part you love about me,

The one you attract.

It isn’t easy loving me,

I am myself at different given times,

I see you are eager to see her,

I see it-I do- I see all the signs.

You get happy to see me,

Smile on your face,

I feel it when you hold me tighter,

The heavy warm embrace.

She dearly misses you,

How she misses herself,

How could I let the dark thoughts take over me?

I don’t know that myself.

I see you struggle,

I see you hold all this pain,

When my dark thoughts brush you away,

It is a mystery how you haven’t gone insane.

You cannot be my rock forever,

It must be hard to give all of you to one who will just take,

It must be hard for you,

Draining you of all you have with no break.

I know you don’t want me to go through it alone,

You want to be there every step of the way,

Because, unfortunately, you love me,

How heavy that burden must weigh…

Deep down, know I love you,

I appreciate all you do,

All the love and support you have given me,

And for just being you.

I know it isn’t easy to love me,

I hope you know you have done your part,

By loving me and accepting my love,

By finding broken me that made her home in your beautiful heart….

-Norma

Help a broke girl out? Trying so hard to afford to live and it is difficult. My  rent keeps skyrocketing, college is expensive, car payments are something else, and I want to help my mother who works as a farm laborer to stop and rest her knee. She needs a new set of teeth as well (please don’t tell her I told you! She is embarrassed about it) and it would mean the world for me to take care of her. Anything is appreciated and thank you in advance!

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