Ungrateful

I am selfish. 

I feel as though everything is not good enough.

But it is.

I know it is so good that I don’t deserve it. 

But I do not feel it.

The love received is just a spark. 

I feel the intensity just for a moment. 

Just a small moment. 

Is this what numb feels like?

Is this what it is?

I wish I could feel. 

But not feel what I feel when I do.

I want to feel what people call happiness.

Joy. 

The things that make them have purpose. 

I am Ungrateful. 

I am told I have everything. 

Why am I not happy about it?

I don’t know.

I tried to find answers. 

Solutions. 

Nothing. 

I found Nothing. 

Until the day I find out how to fix it.

I will. 

Until then?

I will do my best not to be ungrateful. 

Pretend that I feel. 

Pretend that I feel more than what I do when I do. 

I won’t give up. 

I will find the cure. 

Know I am trying. 

I am not giving up.

I am just tired. 

Too tired. 

Aren’t you?