I have gotten used to everything
I have gotten used to the food and the humour here. I have gotten used the bus routes and all the terms for things. I have gotten used to saying “jumper”, “cunt”, and all those lovley words.
I have gotten used to the everyday life here.
It is going to be super odd going home. England has been my home since October and it is odd to say goodbye to it forever or for a very VERY long time. I loved it, I have lived it, and I know my dreams came true here.
I will never forget how things seemed to be super duper slow here, nothing like life back home where the day wizzez by and the day turns to night in a flash. There was and is nothing for me to really do here but to enjoy the simple things and how it felt to have a free agenda. I have never felt like that EVER in my life.
My life had always been full of things to do with no time to do them. This vacation was much needed. Everything that I needed to sort out with myself has been sorted out. I have learned to live with the past and I am actually smiling again, painting, reading, and not crying and freaking out about everything. I took my breather. I took my break and real life is going to settle in really soon.
Reminiscing those days I drank coffee at a local cafe while the rain poured in the streets, those late night pool nights, and all those dinners I had….and many many more memories, they were all special.
But my heart is hurting. Saying goodbye to an amazing man and his wonderful supportive family will be hard. I have had the most love about Connor and I here more than I did back home and I am going to miss that support. I will just have to learn to live stronger and have hope things will work out.
I lost no weight. I gained nothing and lost anything. I am still a fat cow but whatever. I will not stress about that now. I am more worried about finding a job in my crappy town. There is no jobs there and there are so many here. I wish I could find work there as easy as it is here. That is what I am stressed about.
Oh well, I will figure that out in a week.
I am afraid of the flight back and I am afraid of not knowing what my future is, but I am ready to just take on life once again. I am ready to be fine. I know I will never be someone big and I am forgotten very easily, but my life is not based on how others value me anymore. It is about what I think of myself.
I learned and grew so much in the past 6 months than I ever have in my life.
I am happy now.