It Still Haunts Me
I have all these memories where I really fucked up and they haunt me every time I over think. We all have those moments where we sit there and remember that time where your butt crack was showing or something like that. Don’t lie! I know you all have them too, but I am tired of keeping them all in. You will have to relive these moments with me because I can’t walk around with all this baggage on my own. I have to drag you readers with me!
I have to warn you that some of these memories will be TMI and I will embarrass myself all over again, but oh well! Life is too short and why not be real for a moment?
1. I Peed My Pants During A School Trip
When I was in the 6th grade, back in 2006 I couldn’t help but pee my pants while I sat on the steps to the bathrooms. The class went to a week trip to the mountains to learn science first hand.
So, anyway! We went over by the lake. We were playing an old Native American hunting game where we had to be quiet. And I was there, not chosen making lots of noise bouncing back and forth because I had to go to the bathroom. The teacher came over and told me I was ruining the game and I whispered to him that I had to GO! I waited all the way until noon to go to the bathroom instead of going first thing in the morning.
My teacher asked one of the girls to go an accompany me to the bathroom and that was my signal to RUN! I was all the way in the other side of the camping ground where the bathrooms were and I knew I wasn’t going to make it. Once I got to the door I started to piss myself while a toilet was literally 3 yards away. The girl caught up to me and saw me sit on the bathroom steps crying like the little bitch that I am because I just wet myself.
Fortunately she was very understanding and got a counselor to get me a pair of clothes and advised me to hop in the shower.
I have a problem. I was always in denial that I was lactose intolerant.
I was in the 3rd grade when the first fart came out without my consent. There was chili and chips for lunch that day with LOTS of cheese. We were reading The Little House on the Prairie and the room was silent and you can hear my stomach grumbling. I was fidgeting with a pencil (the original fidget spinner) because I have bad anxiety and I dropped the damn thing. I bent over and I let out an ENORMOUS fart. I quickly sat up. There was a poor innocent kid next to me and people looked straight at him because he had no shame in anything he did. Everyone started to laugh at him. I joined in too like the cunt I am. He was trying to prove that it wasn’t him and was half crying trying to tell everyone the TRUTH, but no one listened. I relive that ALL the time and I feel bad to this day.
I have farted in front of Connor’s uncle in a serious conversation and his friend while we played Cards Against Humanity. I am starting to see cheese is a big problem.
3. The “MILF” Incident
I was a young 15 year old pregnant girl going to summer school when it happened. I sat with a fast working group that goofed around a lot. We talked a lot and someone mentioned something about my pregnancy. It was a hard subject to talk about because I wasn’t allowed to be excited about my baby because it wasn’t socially acceptable. I lived under a rock because of it and I never was “up-to-date” about anything. One of my classmates pointed something out and I forget what it was. I didn’t know how to respond to it so my dumb ass says, “I know! I’m a MILF!” And his face falls and says, “Don’t flatter yourself.”
I had a sick feeling in my stomach when he said that because I didn’t really mean that. You see, I had NO IDEA WHAT THAT MEANT at the time. I went home pretty sad because I am sure I said something wrong. I looked up what it meant and I wanted to dig a hole and bury myself! I thought it meant”young mom” because I would see the word associated with young moms!
I have lots of stories about me being an idiot but these are a few that I relive from time to time. Makes me laugh now! I am socially awkward and remembering these things makes me a nervous wreck.
Will write soon! And hope you enjoyed the walk down memory lane.
Until next time!